Punishment Free Parenting
You are wondering how that works? I mean, we all know that a child needs to be punished for bad behavior to learn what’s right and wrong, or maybe not?
What if I tell you that punishment is neither necessary nor does it actually work?
The only thing toddlers learn from punishment is to either make sure we don’t see them showing the “bad” behavior or that they need to be afraid of the punishment. What children don’t learn is what behavior to show instead.
Imagine your spouse is yelling at you and taking away your phone every time you sit next to them on the couch. What would you do? Probably making sure not to sit next to them anymore or not to let them see your phone. But do you know what your spouse wants from you, or what they would like you to do? Not really.
You feel like you get punished and you don't know why, because your partner doesn't tell you that he/she would like to talk to you, and rather takes your phone away. This is how punishment feels to a toddler. They show a behavior that we judge and then punish them for it, which makes children feel insecure and helpless.
And that’s where punishment free parenting comes into place. It means you have alternative behavioral strategies to use in any situation instead of punishment. This helps your toddler understand what behavior you want them to showing makes them feel heard. I'm raising my own daughter by focusing on her needs whereby I never had to resort to punishment. This makes parenting for me less one-sided and more like a partnership where we learn from and with each other. Don't you want that, too? Do you want to know how you can guide your toddler through stressful, tough and difficult situations by focusing on his/her needs instead of focussing on unwanted behavior?
Happy Moms AND Happy Children
"Stop crying, it wasn't that bad."
"Your are coddling your child if you pick him/her up every time he/she cries."
"If you don't be strict with your toddler he/she will control you."
Who hasn't heard these or similar phrases?
Social media and society tell us every day how to raise our children and what makes us "good" or "bad" moms.
I have been working with parents and their children for the last decade and I often see parents either do everything for their children and give themselves up or the children have to do exactly as their parents say and adapt.
You might find some good and bad aspects in both of these ways of parenting, but what they have in common is that they are mostly focused on either the parent's or the child's needs. The problem here is that the happiness of one is build on the sacrifice of the other.
To me that doesn't sound desirable. Why should we live like this when there is a way we AND our toddlers can be happy? And that's why I specialize in showing moms like you how to have both. Yes, you can have it, too.
Authentic parenting means that we show how we really feel and don't hide our feelings from our children. I'm sure we all want to raise our toddlers to become strong, courageous, confident, compassionate and independent individuals.
To become all that they need to learn true emotions, how to analyze them in others, and most importantly how to express them.
Therefore our children need the chance to experience these emotions and see us experience them.
The good news is that this means we can all be our imperfect selves.
It's not always easy because we feel the need to protect our children from 'bad' feelings or hurtful and disappointing situations.
But even though we want to keep these feelings as far away from our little ones as possible they will at some point be experiencing them.
By experiencing all their feelings toddlers learn to understand what these feelings mean and learn how to cope.
In authentic parenting we show our genuine feelings but that does not mean we lash out unpredictably.
Getting angry is natural, and happens to all of us, but apologizing for our behavior and explaining why it happened is a first step of teaching toddlers that all emotions are accepted and okay to have.
For me authentic parenting is a great way to guide my daughter to be courageously who she is, and accept others for the same.
Do you want to parent authentically?
How to yell less
Yelling! We all know how it feels to be yelled at and many of us have yelled at their littles ones, too. Have you ever yelled at your toddler and felt badly after?
I take a guess and say that you didn't like to yell at your little one in the first place.
Yelling and being yelled at just doesn't leave us with a warm and cosy feeling.
When I was yelled at as a child I felt small, insignificant and insecure.
Yelling creates tension and stress on both sides. Even though we know how it makes us and our children feel many parents still do it. So, why do we yell?
We often yell when we ran out of arguments, when we feel overwhelmed, unheard, not taken seriously or are stressed. So yelling doesn't mean you are a bad mom or that you are failing it simply means that you could use some help to find alternatives.
As a mom of a two year old girl I know that it can happen numerous times a day that we feel like we have to yell to get our point across. But no parent really wants to yell at their toddlers because it comes with a very guilty conscience and doesn't get you anywhere.
And that's why I want to share with you what I've learned and successfully practiced during the last decade, while working with many families and going through toddlerhood with my daughter.
Do you want to know how to yell less and what you can do instead?